I. PREFACE
A. Do You Know What it Is like to Wear Many Hats?
For most, our lives are an entanglement of titles, roles, labels, tasks, obligations and responsibilities, each of which command some modicum of our time and attention. For most who work, there is but one job; sometimes two; rarer, but still a reality, sometimes more. This writer does not have a job per se. She works in the confines of her office, the first floor of her town home, doing any number of things: sometimes editing, researching or writing for lawyers; sometimes preparing to make presentations about Medicare and other senior issues; sometimes helping contentious folks wade through and resolve their conflicts; sometimes restoring a damaged computer, the victim of a virus; sometimes teaching a class to process servers (or wannabes); sometimes helping folks insure their property. The list could go on, but probably should have been stopped a sometime or two ago. The point is this: Andrea wears LOTS of hats. Keep this in mind as she continues.
B. Which Hat to Wear?
In the process of getting dressed, do you sometimes contemplate which hat is the right hat? If rain is forecast, perhaps something water proof would be the way to go; or if it’s cold, a nice wool felt would be better. And if you’re playing tennis, a cap or visor. Would a woman wear a baseball cap for worship, or one of those meaningless froo-froo things I saw last week at a sorority tea be a better choice? In other words, wear the hat that suits the purpose, conditions and occasion. Remember this also.
C. Writing Can Be Wonderfully Rewarding and Wonderfully Wearying – Simultaneously
This writer will never be an Ayn Rand or an Alex Hailey, or a Robert Ludlum. Still, this writer finds it therapeutic to record her thoughts, draining though the activity is. Writing is a little like labor. Every complete thought that is developed is a contraction. The closer the contractions come together, the more intense the labor, and, the closer to the reward, a baby, a new life, a completed work. Whether writing for a lawyer, a preacher, a teacher, or this little blog, writing is labor. Yep – keep this in mind.
D. So, What if You Don the Wrong Hat?
Well, if it’s raining and one is sporting a nice wool fedora, things will probably not be as one would want. Similarly, if writing, say, a motion for summary judgment for a breach of contract lawsuit, one would not go tipping around research for a trial in probate court. Not on point. So, what if the subject is – well, sensational, controversial, offensive, egregious, shameful, disgraceful to a family of faith, and – well — you get the picture. And the answer is: well, it depends.
E. One More Thing
A little more than a quarter century ago (yesterday for me, ancient history for some), a young woman had a business alliance with a man of the cloth. They marketed their services and products to churches. One day, the man suggested to the woman that they engage in certain acts, to which the woman replied, You know we can’t do anything like that; we’re not married, to which the man responded, It’s okay; we’re under grace. The woman stood her ground. Nothing happened. Some time later, the woman suffered food poisoning after visiting the wrong Chinese buffet. Bedridden, it was all she could do to make her way to the porcelain god, to which she gave up offerings frequently. Her best friend was with her. When that man came, saying that he would sit with the woman for a while, the best friend left to do errands. When they were alone, the man proceeded to do to the woman what she previously refused. She was so weak, she could not protect herself or stop him. When finished, the man said You act like you didn’t like it.
The woman never told anyone. She assumed no one would believe her accusations against this well-known and highly regarded man of the cloth.
By now you’re asking What does that have to do with anything? Well, bear with me; this is not easy; it is labor.
II. INTRODUCTION
After viewing an excerpt from a video, apparently a sermon by a nationally known (if not internationally known, but what’s a few hundred million more people, or a billion or two?) pastor, I confess my knee-jerk reaction was to delve into the mess. I knew nothing of the details of the underlying sordid mess, the accusations of four (I believe that is the number) young men against another widely known pastor. In fact, when the news first surfaced months ago, I refused to devote any brain cells to the story. I ignored broadcast news, internet news, Facebook comments and Twitter Tweets. And I refused to discuss it, even after one person made several attempts, all unsuccessful, to draw me into dialogue. Nope. Not me. I’m not going there. And suddenly, here I am on a lazy Saturday afternoon, recovering from a wonderful morning, first with my mom, The Boss, then with former church members (at a visitation for one who has graduated to a better life), then a group of my Fabulous Family of God at South Main Baptist, then with my Sweet Pea, and I view this video – a lame attempt to analogize the alleged abuse of youths at the hands of a spiritual and community leader as a wreck – and I am now hot to trot.
Off I go, donning my paralegal hat, pumped as if preparing for a trial. Newspapers. Yahoo. Binging. Googling. Trying to get the gist of what happened (as if I could via the Internet) – and then the light came on:
Me: Wait a minute! What are you doing? What - do - you - THINK - you - are - doing?
Me: I dunno.
Me. Well, if you DUNNO, just stop it! Take that silly hat off!
Me: Oh, I have on the WRONG hat??? Sorry :(
Me: Well, you should be. Just stop, dang-it!
III. THE RIGHT HAT
For this, there is no right hat. However, there is a right posture – that of standing naked before God. He knows each of us in more detail than any of us want to be known. Before you stop reading because I’m not jumping on the bandwagon to hang the other pastor in effigy (alongside the one who perpetrated the mess in the first place), stay with me a little while longer. I must first remind myself that I am not the one to cast judgment. Frankly, I’m too busy trying to keep my own closet door shut. Just because the title of my blog is “Coming Out of the Closet – Keeping it Real,” does not mean I intend to leave the closet door open.
IV. IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT THE WRECK
This is not to judge either of these fellas – the one who, according to the other, had a wreck – or the other, with all of his education and eloquence, could not do anything better than chide folks: I can't believe that people would leave their preacher because he had a wreck. It is a problem that EL had a wreck. The even bigger problem is what happened after the wreck.
A. David Had a Wreck
You remember that Bible story – how David took Bathsheba, the wife of his faithful soldier, Uriah? How David had Uriah positioned in battled to assure he would be killed? How Nathan had to tell David about his hit-and-run? Yes. David had a wreck. And when Nathan confronted David about his wreck, what did he do? Did he put on his royal robes and crown and sit on his throne? No. He prostrated himself before God and confessed:
Psalm 51:1-13 (KJV)-------------------------------
Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
B. But That Was Way Back in Bible Days.
So, you need something more contemporary? How about this:
A requirement of one of my seminary courses was to read a book that was based on the true, twentieth-century story of a well-known man who was much sought after, and actively engaged in speaking and teaching all of the country. When his obsession with pornography was revealed, he confessed his wrongdoing to his wife, discontinued all public appearances, and sought counseling. It was recognized that this man had some healing to do, personally, spiritually and in his relationships. Notice that relationships is plural. He not only hurt himself and his wife, but his children, other family members, friends, colleagues, fellow members of the clergy, and let us not forget his God. There is no “Band-aid” for this kind of rift. The process for him to return to “public” life was a couple of years, not a couple of days or weeks.
C. Was There a Wreck?
Well, according to CD, is friend HAD A WRECK. A logical deduction is that his friend, EL, fell off the straight and narrow path and into a ditch. Without belaboring the nasty details, CD sounded as if he was speaking of EL’s guilt – culpability – liability – whatever the heck else one might label it. Now, folks, we all have committed acts, or left something undone, that provoked most justly God’s wrath and indignation against us. All of us have had wrecks. Sometimes we caused them, and sometimes we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. (See paragraph I.E, “One More Thing” above.) And sometimes both parties were at fault, but let us not digress to issues of contributory negligence. For purposes of this now-too-long note (sorry, it’s the preacher in me), let us just say that EL caused the wreck.
D. So, What Should Happen after EL‘s Wreck?
There must be an assessment of damages. If EL had a wreck, something is misaligned, crumpled, dented, chipped, cracked, smashed or otherwise not as it should be. He needs to be restored to serviceable condition. He needs to be put back where he belongs. And when one causes a wreck, one must pay the deductible. That might set EL back a few months — or years. Even though he settled with his complainants in mediation and paid some damages, those damages were paid to the complainant. He still has to deal with his own damages – and pay the deductible. Yes, as all other believers, EL has insurance, and the premiums may have been paid by Jesus the Christ, but just as EL would most likely counsel one of his congregation to take some time off – for healing and restoration – EL should do likewise – and more. That is paying the deductible.
E. If the Bus Is “Broke Down” from a Wreck, Hail a Taxi
CD chides folks who “left their preacher” because he had a wreck. Has CD considered that folks would rather not trust a damaged vehicle? Now, we all have our issues, but we still have to be able to function in our assignments. How can a shepherd function in his assignment if he has been abusing the sheep?
Recently, at the window of a drive-thru, I became frustrated when I made a simple inquiry:
Q. What kind of orange juice do you have?
A. Orange.
Q. Well, who makes it?
A. Is orange juice.
Q. Well, what brand is it?
A. Orange.
There was an obvious inability to articulate the answer to my query in English. In my frustration I backed out of the drive-thru lane, and thinking I had cleared the curb, threw the car in “drive” and proceeded forward, only to go over the curb. Well, I had a wreck. I rigged the bumper with two very long cable ties and went home. However, the very next morning, I was at Apollo Paint & Body (http://www.apollopaintandbody.com [these are simply the nicest auto service folks I have ever encountered]) to have the damage appraised and repaired. Sure, I could have left the bumper dangling from the cable ties, but the vehicle would not be restored to how it was before the wreck – nor would it have been in better condition. In fact, over time, with driving the uneven streets of Houston, the damage to the bumper would have worsened.
So, I would ask CD: If you were riding in EL’s vehicle and he had a wreck, sustaining significant damage to the body, frame, tires, wheels, windows and steering wheel, would you jump back in the car and continue riding that road with EL, or would you hail a taxi? Or catch a bus? Or call someone else with a car? Or hitchhike?
V. MEDIATION MAY BE A WIN-WIN, BUT IT CAN CAST A CLOUD OF SERIOUS DOUBT
The dreaded “L” word. Everyone wants to sue somebody. What makes them come forward? Is it about justice? Equity? Greed? Revenge? Just asking. Why now did these young men come forward? Why did EL swear to fight the lawsuit and then settle at mediation? Was he speaking from a perceived position of strength when he vowed to fight? Why did he change his mind?
Even though my specialty is civil trial law, I believe that most lawsuits should never have been filed in the first place. I am very fond of mediation, though it has devolved to a good-old-boy cottage industry and mediators like me rarely get appointed to mediate lawsuits, unless, of course, one of their good-old boys is a judge or lawyer. They toss some wet-noodle (I really want to say “limp-#!#?” but that would not be appropriate) notion about non-lawyers not being well-versed in legal issues and theories. Tell that to the lawyers for whom I write! What hogwash! Okay, I’ve said it; I dare you to prove me wrong. [rant paused to continue this note].
The deal is this with mediation: the Plaintiffs go in speculating about what they’re going to walk away with, as if they deserve something simply because they filed the suit, and the Defendants (at least the ones who know they are liable – they’ve caused a wreck) go in with the intent of giving up only what is absolutely necessary to make the Plaintiffs go away. There is persuasion on each side, especially for volatile subject matter as the instant case. There's not supposed to be persuasion per se, but just trust me on that. And there is the airing of dirty (vile, filthy, whatever you want to say here) laundry, some of which is probably so befouled it should be taken out a burned – despite any imposed burn bans due to drought.
For the culpable defendant, it comes down to which will hurt worse: settling now or the risk of losing at trial? Is it less painful for CD to toss a perception of his friend’s liability to the world, while his friend pays off his accusers? Does the world, then, assume that EL was in the wrong?
VI. ABOVE THE LAW?
Sometimes folks think they can do whatever they want; they are beyond rules and above the law. Or, worse, no one would dare accuse me! Right. Tell that to John Edwards. Jim & Tammy Bakker. Arnold Schwartzenegger. Jimmy Swaggert. Bill Clinton. Tiger Woods and lots of other folks. Tell that to the guy in paragraph I-E above. Just because he got by in this life does not mean he will get away with it in the next. Perhaps he will make it to one of the many rooms in the Savior’s mansion, but rather than an upgrade he will be relegated to the basement. That simply is not our call.
But, come on, Pastors, yes, we fall down and we get up. But while we’re down we get dirty. Sometimes we tear (or lose) our pants, scrape our knees, break a leg, sprain an ankle, bump our heads, get a concussion. Sometimes we need a little Neosporin and one of those cool Band-Aids that, if you’re a member of the paler nation, blends right into your skin and can barely be detected. Sometimes we just need to run to one of those 24-hour emergency centers and get our ankle wrapped. And sometimes we need major surgery, a couple of months at TIRR (a great place), and then outpatient rehabilitation before returning to work PART-TIME.
VII. THERE IS BUT ONE GOD
Having a wreck is something to which we are all susceptible. What matters is what we do after the wreck. Do we pretend that all is well? As if we are not injured? Or damaged? After a wreck should one ascend the throne of his pulpit as if he is Almighty God, Father of our Lord, Jesus the Christ, Maker of all things and Judge of all men??? I think not. There is but one God. When one assumes the posture of unblemished perfection by not tending to one’s wounds and repairing the damage one sustains in a wreck, the message one sends is “There is absolutely nothing wrong with me.” While folks should not try to assess the damage – that is between the wrecker and his Maker – folks should avoid the damaged vehicle until it is back where it belongs – or better.
No comments:
Post a Comment